Does your bathroom have the cleanliness of a grubby pervert rubbing his hands together and grumbling under a trench coat? Does your toilet contain mysterious and irremovable black marks? Is your showerhead on a par with a Chernobyl-style dead zone?

Yeah, it might be time for a redesign.

It’s the place where you’ll play out your fantasies of being a pop superstar; where you’ll lament your wild night while hunched over the toilet bowl; where you’ll preen and pluck yourself for that big first date; and where you’ll lament your last trip to the barbers as you turn the clippers on yourself.

Which is why we’ve come up with a few tips to turn your bathroom from design disaster to bathroom brilliance.

Flooring for the future

Waking up to pee in the middle of the night is bad enough – but getting feet like blocks of ice while doing it is even worse. And if your bathroom has marble or lino flooring, frozen toes are almost guaranteed.

To make sure you’re not caught in the cold at midnight, invest in a few well-placed bath mats to warm your soles.

But if you’ve got a bit of extra cash to splash, invest in underfloor heating for your marble – it’s like a hug for your feet.

Commodes for a king

The toilet has always been a fantastic invention. Just imagine living in the Tudor period, when you had to chuck your leavings out the window and make do with the inevitable cholera that came your way. Yet many of us take our practical potties for granted.

Invest in a commode you can be proud of. While the most expensive toilet in the world will set you back a couple of million, you could still be frugal and invest in an entertaining toilet seat or a decent set of cleaning supplies to give your mid-range faecal facilitator a makeover.

Gadgets and gizmos

Bathrooms aren’t known for their Bond-style gadgetry, but there are some ace gizmos you can use to give yours a dose of pizzazz.

For a start, why not give the Moxie speaker showerhead a try? Connecting to your iPod, it’s even got a loud enough volume to drown out your atrocious singing!

Or if you want to give your mirror a 21st century makeover, invest in the Tech20 Cyber Mirror. This is a 32-inch mirror with Wi-Fi, a Windows 8 operating system, an Intel Core i3 processor and even, y’know, the ability to reflect your face.

These are only two examples of many in the gadgetry world. And, as quickly as Moore’s Law will allow, new pieces of tech are popping up all the time. Keep an eye on the market and you’ll be futuristic forever.