The Moneyist: ‘Am I crazy?’ I’ve paid my fiancée rent for 9 years and spent $10,000 improving her home. She’s also listed on my health insurance. What should I do?

by | Jan 5, 2023 | Stock Market

Dear Quentin, I have a situation that is causing a lot of issues in my relationship. We have been dating for 17 years, have lived together for close to nine years and have been engaged for six. 

When I moved into her house, we agreed I would pay $600 a month in rent. Over the years, I have increased how much I pay in rent and have taken on other expenses, such as the $300 cable-and-internet bill. I have also contributed toward some home improvements, spending about $10,000 in total. Additionally, when we go out to eat, which is probably 60% of the time, I usually pay.  I am now paying $1,100 a month in rent. She has retired and is listed as a domestic partner on my health insurance. I am also paying her $200 health-insurance premium. However, her previous employer reimburses her health-insurance costs, and she keeps that money. She says she “subsidized” my rent nine years ago to help me out financially, and this is now “payback” since I am debt-free. 

“‘Her previous employer reimburses her health-insurance costs, and she keeps that money.’”

Wait, what? I paid her exactly what she asked for back then without question, and there was no discussion that the agreed-upon rent was below market value or being “subsidized” by her. This has caused a rift in our relationship, as we view money very differently. I am pretty generous with it.   The cherry on top is that we both have trusts, and she refuses to tell me any details about hers. If she were to die tomorrow, I would be in the dark. She knows all the specifics of mine, including the fact that she is included in it.  Am I crazy to feel this way about the rent, the health insurance and the trust? Appreciate Your GuidanceDear Appreciate, You’re not cr …

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