The Moneyist: ‘I cook and clean’: I live with my boyfriend. We’re both 51. I pay for all utilities and groceries. Now he wants me to pay half his mortgage.

by | Nov 8, 2023 | Stock Market

Dear Quentin, I have been in a relationship with this man for five years. I moved into his home a year ago. The plan was for me to pay all the utilities, dog expenses, and groceries. I cook and clean, and take care of things around the house and now he is asking me to pay half his mortgage. He does not want to marry me — nor put me on the deed to his home. 

I don’t think it is right that I help him pay half of his mortgage. What do I get out of this? We are both 51 years of age. I have nothing to my name, no security, and I’m not sure if it is a smart thing to do. Can you please help me? I am very confused on how to handle this. Some people say pay half and others say move out. What should I do? Feeling Desperate  Related: My husband, 76, and my daughter, 26, don’t get along. How do I make sure he doesn’t disinherit her if I die first?

“You are better off finding a place with roommates than subjecting yourself to this kind of demeaning arrangement.”

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Dear Desperate, Your boyfriend has a live-in girlfriend and housekeeper.  There’s something odd about a relationship where one person does all the cooking and cleaning, and pays all the bills in exchange for accommodation. How does this make you feel? That will give you your answer. You may rationalize your decision, but as a wise woman once told me: “Your mind will lie through its teeth, but your body never lies.” The bottom line: You can’t expect to live anywhere rent-free and, despite the rising cost of rents in the U.S., you are better off finding a place with roommates than subjecting yourself to this kind of demeaning arrangement. You’re not the only one: More households are renting than at any point in the last 50 years, according to the Pew Research Center.  Dare I add: Your boyfriend has done you a favor. He has shown you who he is; anyone who is prepared to have a partner cook and clean, and pay a …

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